Area New York Metropolitans fan has returned

Well-ity, well-ity, well. It seems spring training time is here for 2023, which of course makes me idiotically overconfident with the state of my favorite baseball team. An obvious mistake, but here we are. Again. Though I suppose I should be happy I'm capable of feeling overconfident about anything. I'm no Tucker Carlson after all.

Moving on! As we covered in my last post about this collection of dummies, the franchise's owner is now multi-billionaire Steven A. Cohen. This will be his third season owning the team. He seems to like hanging around with the players and enjoys being called "Uncle Steve" by the fans because he's willing to spend so much more to improve things than the last owners did. I find all of this sort of cool while being vaguely creepy. Also, he looks like this:

It's like a hedgehog got hit in the face by a shovel and then went mostly bald and possibly blind. This is the look of someone you reminisce on and wish you'd punched him at least once in junior high. He could hire the entire LAPD to kick my ass now, but the only real satisfaction with staring at the mug of someone whose hedge fund made something like $2.6 billion last year would be the ability to say, "Sure, that motherfucker is stupid rich, but I whacked him in the face with a shovel when I was eleven. You should have seen him bawl!"

Alas, he owns the goddamn team and I feel compelled to go along with these mixed feelings, and have for going on three years now. It feels morally compromising but I REALLY want to see the Mets win the World Series again. Anyway, not to get into it too much, but me and Lucifer's lawyers may have been in touch recently. Just some exploratory stuff but I'm considering it.

So the fucking guy spent so much money on the roster this year that the team has set a record for an annual payroll, like, by a lot. The league literally invented a new salary cap tax last year just because the other owners were worried Cohen would do something like this. Probably because he basically said that was his plan and immediately exceeded it when given the chance.

An obvious problem here is that no one gets that wealthy without some shady dealings, most of which I doubt I would be happy about if I had the capacity to understand how they worked. So I shouldn't like him for that alone. Plus, the "Uncle Steve" persona just has bad vibes and it's tough to see that ending well. Yet here I am outlining all of this while still hoping he does something splashy at the trade deadline this summer so they can make a deep playoff run if someone's injured.

It's a sickness to be sure, but there's only one cure I can see working: doing it all over again. Let's go Mets!!