Goodbye to Eden

Imagine bliss: yourself surrounded by an angelic paradise, a utopia of calmness and tranquility. Picture basking in the sunshine as your body melts into the soft earth, your mind free of all conflict and doubt. Nothing exists here but utter serenity, an encompassing peace of the spirit so radiant that every molecule in and around you sings with inspired joy. Imagine somewhere nothing short of perfect. Bliss.

Pretty fantastic, right? Well, hang on to that vision, because it isn’t where you live at all. Not anymore. You think I couldn’t see you sneaking apples with your ladyfriend from the forbidden tree? We went over this, you selfish fool, and within an hour you’ve already sabotaged everything with your heedless appetite. All the repose in the world was flushed into the ocean with that one action of yours.

So say goodbye to Eden. The world you now inhabit is nothing more than a rotting hellscape of agony. This is a place that looks more like a binary choice between anarchy and oppression than anything resembling harmony. You’ve unleashed such destructive forces as ego, politicking, wrath, and tyranny onto all who follow you in this life, which is literally everyone! Murder and treason and sadism and on and on are on your head alone, you schmuck. For an apple?