Jeez,dude. I’m tired. I need some R&R

Gym is all about tightening up skeletal muscles. No one thinks about tightening sphincters. Know why? Cause almost all gym rats are young!

Find me a gym that teaches sphincter strengthening and I’m all in. Oh, I know the exercise to address anal sphincter issues. But what about the others? Consider the double sphincters that prevent men from peeing while ejaculating. Or don’t. (Does pique one’s Interest, though. Right?). The digestive tract alone has 5 sphincters:

• upper esophageal. Sphincter between mouth and esophagus

• lower esophageal or cardiac. Sphincter between the esophagus and stomach.

• pyloric. Sphincter between stomach and duodenum.

• ileocecal. Sphincter between small intestine and caecum.

• anal. Sphincter at end of rectum. (There are actually two here; one voluntary, one involuntary)

Yeah. Who knew? Five. Most of us are aware of only the second and the fifth. Malfunction of the cardiac sphincter results in acid reflux, aka heartburn, thus the name. Malfunction of the fifth results in poopy pants. But there’s so many others:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sphincter

“Sphincters are found in many animals. There are over 60 types in the human body, some microscopically small, in particular the millions of precapillary sphincters. Sphincters relax at death, often releasing fluids and faeces.”

Ok U.K. Spell it your way. To me that spelling is a disturbing blend of feces and faces. But let’s let that go. The point I want to address is that last sentence. It’s been my experience that these guys don’t wait for death to relax. There’s a reason adult diapers are popular. That reason: untoned sphincters. Imagine a life in a state of tension almost always - even right now . And now you’re in your seventies. Yeah. Might want to relax. Not too much...Just a little bit.

“No! No! No!” Screams the brain. “No peeing right now. No sharts! Not now! We’re in a social situation!”

Fucking brain. “It’s always about me” brain. Fuck you, brain. I’m relaxing. You deal with the embarrassment. And let those gym-toned skeletal muscles deal with the cleanup.