Let me guess: you've never heard of me. And I don't mean me specifically or my name, which is Lucidephiusm, for the record. I'm talking...

The Witnesses showed up this morning offering to show me the path to heaven. I slammed the door. No way it’s taking me alive. I was...

Background music is Sirius 60’s gold: Chad and Jeremy “ A summer song” 1964. As I listen I forget to pay attention and stumble into this...

I typed a bunch of shit into this newfangled thing and here's what I got. (entered: Siri and Alexa go on a date screenplay Greek...

My family still refers to me like that, you know. We're called Animal Control these days, but they won't listen because "D the D" is too...

It's the year 1885, for Christ's sake. Please don't tell anyone I said that last part, especially the Lutherans. But how can any modern...

I’m looking for an optimist. Within myself. This is what came out: ‘That Sunday (that summer)’. Circa 1968 song recorded by Nat King...

It’s Holi, by gosh and by golly. A celebration of love,spring time and color. Dyed powders tossed about at random. Gets scattered...

Snow is falling. And so am i. I’ve become a hexagonal particle, abandoning a cloudy sky. Me? I’m just a snowflake. We’ve never met, have...

June 12th 1967. That’s when the fever broke. So I’m told. Nothing really makes any sense since my gravestone records my death as June...

Well-ity, well-ity, well. It seems spring training time is here for 2023, which of course makes me idiotically overconfident with the...

Whadah you know. I’m in the coroner’s room looking at a corpse, saying that’s you. Yah big dummy. Just had to have that Harley didn’t...

I reached across the breakfast table to brush away a crumb of toast stuck to her lip and was met with a snarl “Get away from me!” I...

"This is not the end of the world," she whispered. Then she died. And it was. Anya, sweet Anya. Not a day goes by that isn't filled with...

Mostly it‘s good, looking at you in the mirror. But sometimes you bring tears to my eyes. Is it the same for you? I think about you a...

I’ve long been hoping that these next two lines could find a home: ‘Slight slits with a razor sharp knife Bleeds me out, but slowly.‘ So...

I’m asleep in a large round room. The circular wall consists of dozens of doors, each with a neon ‘exit’ sign above it. I awake and cry...

God I hope not. We made love on Saturday but you ignored me on Sunday. And every day thereafter. Why? Been years and beers since then....

A not very pretty one either. Technically, you’re a torus ,a superset of doughnuts. Your doughnut hole is your alimentary canal. Take a...

Al Bundy the shoe salesman, on Married… with Children, to a woman who says she knew all along he would be a failure: “So you think I'm a...